Community is Humbling, and That’s a Good Thing

It’s been a little over a week since Elaine and I took our leap into the unknown and started our Year of Plenty. We both had a lot of expectations about what that first week would be like. We worried about what people would think, how our family and friends would react, and what our time working at home would be like together. As it turns out, our fears about what family and friends might say were dead wrong. I thought we would get a lot of cautionary advice — instead, we learned we are surrounded by a loving, encouraging, caring community.

Two things from this week stick out in my mind. Near the end of last week, I brought Lyla and Paisley to see my former boss at SAGU (we affectionately call her “Great Grandma Joan” — long story). While they were visiting, Joan asked the girls if they liked ice cream, and pulled out her wallet. The girls walked away with a $10 bill in their hands and smiles on their faces.

Earlier in the week, Elaine was texting a good friend about what our plans were for this year. After updating her on what our goals are this year for our family, she generously offered to watch our kids on Friday evening for us to go on a date. On top of that, she and her husband offered to pay for our dinner, because she knew this next year will mean considerably reducing our expenses.

My first response in both of these situations was immediately to say no. I knew that these friends were being extra generous and caring, and I was deeply appreciative. But something within me felt the need to decline both offers. Ultimately, I accepted these gifts for me and my family. But it felt like too much, or like it would be wrong to accept the generosity of our friends.

Why do we often feel this way? I think there are a few reasons:

Living in community is humbling.

It’s humbling because it means relying on others when we have needs. It’s humbling because it means being vulnerable about our shortcomings and how we’re struggling in our daily lives. If we’re truly living in a meaningful community of people, that includes having real relationships with real people. Being close with people often means that we find out that we need other people in our lives — people to lean on, people to care for, people to love and be loved by.

Living in community means not doing it on our own.

We live in a culture right now that values independence and autonomy. We all tend to see it as a good thing when someone is able to accomplish something on their own, with no help from anyone else. But is this really the height of what we think people can and should be? Perhaps learning that we are dependent on others is actually good for us, and helps us to become better people.

Living in community means not always getting what we “want.”

Real, vulnerable relationships always require give-and-take. When we do things on our own, we get to do whatever we want, whenever we want. This feels good in the moment, but it also makes us selfish and self-centered. When we live in active community with others, we may not always get what we want. We may need to give up on some of our personal desires. But it often also means that we gain something more valuable in return.

As we enter into our Year of Plenty, Elaine and I anticipated that we would be doing a ton of this work on our own. The reality is, there will probably be some difficult weeks. There will probably be nights where we’re working late, and the pressure is on us to perform well. But the lesson we’ve learned this week is that we are surrounded by a more generous, loving community than we ever knew we had. We can choose to view that as a burden, or we can choose to view it as an opportunity to become the kind of people we’re meant to be.